Segrata
by Josh Spicer
Summary: Get ready for my most fricked up movie ever. Two Mexican born brothers move to Florida, gain a Chinese sidekick, find a little sister they never knew they had, and get messed up with a crime boss.
1. Eviction Notice

**_My question now is... Are you Ready? I said are you ready?_**

* * *

Two men are seen tied up on chairs and with a Gay Sex-Toy in their mouth. Two men walk up and light a cigarette with a Zippo. One of the men has a whip with a tight knot on the opposite end.

The Man with the Whip: So your names are, Mcory and Cheech Segarta.

The only mumbled some words. The man with the whip then whiped them in their balls, which hanging below the chair. They then screamed out loud.

The Man with the Whip: My name is Victor Scottfried, and this is my partner, Jack Michael.

Jack Michael: Hey.

Victor Scottfried: Tell me you two, do you know how to cure this mess, this, overly obnoxious, hellashish mess?

The Segratas then mumbled, followed by being hit in the balls with the whip, and screaming out loud.

Victor Scottfried: I have an idea, we should, FREE BALLIN!!

The camera turned to their behind as they tore off their pants leaving them naked. They then caught a ball and a wall behind them rose up seeing a basketball court. Victor then scored a basket. The Segratas screamed bloody murder as Jack Michael came up behind Mcory.

Jack Michael: Guess what my name really is.

Mcory's eyes got big as suddenly, Mcory woke up screaming out loud. Cheech walked in and screamed out loud. Mcory had a teddy bear in his hands and Cheech had a blankie. They didn't stop screaming as they hid them behind their backs. They then continued to scream as gun shot was heard, followed by many others and they stopped screaming.

Neighbor: Shut-up!

Other Neighbor: Yeah it's, oh hey it's 7 o'clock.

Neighbor: Oh, then time to get up.

Other Neighbor: Sweet.

Neighbor: Totally.

Suddenly, a guitar started playing "Have a Nice Day" by Bon Jovi.

Words in bold appeared on the screen.

**From the Creators of Xiaolin Showdown: The Movie.**

**Presented by Crumpton Krabby (My Company)**

**James Crumpton**

**Cheech Marin**

**Segrata**

The song continues to play as it slowly fades out and Mcory and Cheech Segrata walk out of their house. It was a desert with sand and what not. There houses were clay.

Cheech Segrata: Hey Mcory, we really got to get that house bill payed.

Mcory Segrata: Duh ese'.

Cheech opened up the mailbox and got out their mail.

Cheech Segrata: Bill, bill, bill, Playcowgirl, bill, bill, wait, Playcowgirl?

Mcory grabs it from him.

Mcory Segrata: That's mine.

Cheech then shakes his head.

Cheech Segrata: Bill, bill, bill, Thompson Dope, bill, Thomson Dope?

Mcory takes it as well.

Mcory Segrata: That's, also mine.

Cheech then sighs.

Cheech Segrata: Bill, bill, bill, Eviction Notice, bill, bill, bill, bill, bill, _and _bill.

Mcory Segrata: Wait a second homes, go back a few.

Cheech Segrata: Bill...

Mcory Segrata: Farther.

Cheech Segrata: Bill, Eviction Notice, bill-

Mcory Segrata: Hey, it's an eviction notice.

Cheech Segrata: No, Mcory, it's not an eviction, it's probally just a normal (looks at mail) Holy Shit it's an Eviction Notice.

Mcory Segrata: So, we got today, and tomorrow to do it.

Cheech Segrata: More like an hour.

Mcory Segrata: Dammit.

Cheech Segrata: So, let's go over and pay.

They start to walk towards the bank. It was right next door. They enter the bank having the doors swing open and everyone in the bank stare at them. Some western music starts to play as Cheech and Mcory enter the bank. They then get to the line.

Cashier: May I help you sir?'

Mcory Segrata: Yeah, we have to pay this Eviction Notice.

Casheir: Do you have the paper?

Cheech gets them out and gives them to the Cashier.

Casheir: Now, do you have $20,000?

Mcory and Segrata then drop their jaws. They then look at each other.

Mcory Segrata: Oh hell no homes.

Mcory then gets out a gun and holds it to the casheir's head.

Cheech Segrata: Mcory, we don't wany any trouble.

Mcory Segrata: Cheech, I do ese'.

He then shoots and the Casheir goes back against the wall. It stops mid-air and spins around Matrix-style. Mcory then shoots random people and what not. A large guy comes behind Mcory.

Mcory Segrata: "Refrigerator" Perry?

Perry: Damn straight.

Mcory then smiles and shoots Perry in the head. Mcory then grabs a random guys head and sticks a ranom bomb in the guy's mouth and then sticks the head in a toilet. Mcory grabs Segrata as they get out of the bank and run away in slow-mo as the bar behind them explodes leaving a blaze of fire behind them. Mcory accidently trips Cheech and they fall down and trip and roll. Suddenly, all of the other houses, another words the whole town, set on fire.

Cheech Segrata: Whoa! Um, Mcory?

Mcory Segrata: What, did we win?

Cheech Segrata: Far from homes.

Mcory sees.

Mcory Segrata: Oh, shit.

Suddenly, the whole town blows as The Segratas go up. They then fall down. We see The Segratas far from each other and in the middle of a bunch of charred houses and heat-lines.

Cheech Segrata: Mcory?

No answer.

Cheech Segrata: Mcory!?

Still no answer.

Cheech Segrata: Marco!

No answer.

Cheech Segrata: I say tomato, you say!

No answer.

Cheech Segrata: Yeah you, shook me all night long! Yeah you, shook me all night long!

No answer. Mcory then comes up from the sand on a door. Cheech hops on and Mcory just hangs there.

Cheech Segrata: Oh god your here.

Mcory Segrata: I would never leave you.

They then holds hands. That fades out and leads to another part. They are still holding hands and Mcory is not moving. Cheech shakes him.

Cheech Segrata: Mcory? Mcory?

He starts to cry as The Titanic Theme hits in the background. He sticks his hand in the sand and grabs a whistle. He then blows it repeadedly.

Mcory Segrata: BOO!!

Cheech Segrata: AH!

Cheech then falls off the door and into the sand. Mcory gets out and starts to laugh his ass of.

Cheech Segrata: Godamn you, go to fucking hell.

* * *

_**There you have it, Ch. 1 of my movie, Segrata.**_


	2. Kujo Kunder Kingston

_**Most of you are probably wondering, why hasn't Josh posted Segrata in like forever. Well the answer is this, I need to think of new material.**_

_**(Two guys driving down a road in a white beetle are seen. They get out and go to a door. They have suits. They ring a doorbell. A man answers)**_

_**One of the Men: Wii would like to play.**_

_**Mid-aged, Rugged, Dirty Man: Charolle, there's couple of Ashi-an guys at the door! I think there your new sex toys.**_

_**Other Asian Man: Wii would like to play.  
**__**  
Mid-aged Man: Yeah, yeah hold your horses.**_

_**A girl in a mini skirt, skimpy top, fishnets, and shorts boots is seen.**_

_**Girl: Hello boys.**_

_**The Asian men looked at each other.**_

_**The First Asian Man: God bless America.**_

_**They are then seen driving down the road in their car, smiling.**_

_**Wii.

* * *

**_

Mcory and Cheech are seen walking in the desert. Mcory notices a bong.

Mcory: Cheech look, it's my life come true!

Mcory runs up to the bong. As soon as he gets there, he stops and looks disappointed.

Mcory: Ah man! It's a Meeraage.

Cheech: Don't you mean mirage ese'.

Mcory: No, it's Meeraage Company's. There's are the worst bongs ever.

Cheech: Looks kinda like a sex toy.

Mcory: That would explain all the white.

They shrug and continue on walking. Time passes and Cheech is barely hanging on, as Mcory is dragging himself in the sand with his face in the sand.

Cheech: Mcory?

Mcory: Yeah homes?

Cheech: I don't know if that's a mirage, but I think I see a river and a road.

Mcory gets up, wipes the sand off of him, and spits a bunch of it out of his mouth.

Mcory: Whoa, it's the border!

A bunch of cars and a toll booth is seen.

Mcory: Hey homes, we should like, jack one of the cars for dope.

Cheech: Nah, let's save that for America.

Mcory: America?

Cheech: Well, yeah, aren't we going to America?

Mcory: Oh, I thought you said Amelica just then. Man that place sells the _worst_ dope, ever ese'.

Cheech and Mcory walk up to a fence and sees it as electric wire and barbed wire on it. An African-American guy in a ship comes floating up on the river.

Man: Hey! You two! Wanna go to America?

Cheech: Yeah!

Man: Well then, hop aboard! I'm going to America too! Wanna hop on!

Mcory: Sure! Why not ese'!

The Segrata's step on to the man's boat and just stand there.

Man: Name's Kujo Kunder Kingston.

Mcory: Right! Where will this ship take us?

Kujo: Oh, I was planning on cutting into the Gulf of Mexico up into Maine.

Cheech: Why Maine?

Kujo: Have you tasted an annual Maine Pill?

Mcory: No.

Kujo: The Maine Pill is the shit. It-is-the pill!

Cheech: Do you have some sort of spare.

Kujo: I have three more. I had used all 500 already.

Cheech: When did you get him?

Kujo: Yesterday!

Cheech and Mcory look at each other, then shrug. They then take the pill in and swallow it.

Kujo: Oh, guys, some news, you might feel a little bit of a sting in your-

Mcory starts to scream and holds his crotch area.

Kujo: Groin! Oh, and your-

Cheech screams and holds his knee.

Kujo: Knee!

They suddenly stop screaming.

Kujo: So, what do you think?

Cheech and Mcory look at each other, then start to laugh.

Mcory: Man ese', that _was _the shit!

Cheech: Homes, I may not like dope, but that pill, kicked my system.

Kujo: Told ya guys! Oh, what's ya'll's names?

Cheech: I'm Cheech Segrata, this is my brother Mcory.

Mcory: We're off for, um, uh...

Cheech: Florida.

Kujo: Oh, well then boys, I'll drop you's off when I turn up to Maine.

Cheech: Fair enough ese'.

Mcory: Got your self a deal.

They then shake hands.

* * *

_**Well, that's the 2nd chapter. Next chapter, they're boat ride across the Gulf of Mexico!**_


	3. Trevor the Shark

**(A Super Mario Bros. like game is seen. Mario is standing on a ledge, about to jump, when behind him comes a random sprite. He has black tux on, an afro, a pistol in hand, and is seen as an African-American in Mario's eyes)**

**Mario: Who are you?**

**Guy: My name is Not Your Business.**

**Mario: Oh. What are you doing here? Leave me to jump.**

**Not Your Business: See I have this passage I say right before I kill somebody.**

**Mario: Oh, okay.**

**Not Your Business: I will strike upon thee with great vengeance, and furious anger, those who oppose my brothers, and they will know that (disclaimer) I own everything in this story but the actors/actresses and people portrayed as real (disclaimer).**

**Mario: Oka-**

**Not Your Business: Shut the fuck up fat man ain't none of your god damn business.**

**Mario: Uh, ah, I can't take this anymore!**

**(Mario runs off screaming. Another sprite walks up, also African-American, except wearing a cop's uniform)**

**Cop: What the hell was that?**

**Not Your Business: Taking care of my business, Not Your Business.**

**Announcer: Not Your Business, taking care of his business, Not Your Business.**

* * *

The two Segrata's are lying down in Kujo's boat while Kujo drives it.

Kujo: So, why do you need need to head up to Florida? Look like a couple of borderers to me.

Cheech: What in the hell is a borderer ese?

Kujo: Oh, some Mexican who decides to go over the border into America.

Mcory: Well, the reason homes is that we hate Mexico. It sucks, literally. There's sand traps in every town we go in. I almost died just the other die from drowning in one.

Cheech: Wasn't that that large woman's vagina?

Mcory: Shut up homes!

Kujo: Well, either way, Florida is pretty far away, you guy's might wanna stop and empty the tank before we stop.

Mcory: Way ahead of you ese, already took one in the can.

Kujo: Uh, Mcory, I don't have a toilet here.

Mcory: Then what was that big huge black thing that sounded like a flush when I pulled the lever.

Kujo stopped the boat and ran inside it, looking at the generator.

Kujo: Wrong lever! That was the generator, and now this ship is running on gas, real gas.

Cheech: Mcory, what the hell were you thinking?

Mcory: That that The Pill had an after effect homes.

Kujo: Son of a bitch. Get off, now.

Mcory: What?

Kujo: Both of you, off, now!

Cheech: Why?

Kujo: Boy have you ever heard the phrase never fuck with a black man on his turf?

Mcory: No.

Kujo: Well now you have, get the hell off now.

The Segrata's jump off the edge of the boat into the water.

Kujo: Hope you enjoy the Gulf of Mexico you duo dong lovers.

Cheech: Wait!

Mcory: No we're not, it's only Cheech!

Cheech whacks Mcory in the back of the head.

Mcory: What?!

Cheech: He said duo dong lovers, not duo bong haters.

Mcory: Whatever!

They don't know it, but a shark fin appears behind the two. The two slowly turn around to be face to face with a Great White Shark with huge teeth.

The Shark (Gilbert Gottfried): What's happenin boys?

One scene later, they are seen in a cavern with another shark sitting at a table holding a baby shark, another two male sharks playing around in a living room, and the shark from before sitting in a man I mean shark cave (a man cave) in a comfortable black leather recliner. The Segrata's are sitting on a black leather couch drinking beers.

The Shark: I can't believe you thought I'd actually eat you two. Man, you guys crack me up.

Wife Shark (Oprah Winfrey): Hey honey, can you help me with the baby?

The Shark: Be right there darling. You guy's just sit tight, help yourself to some beer, some football, great reception down here, and if you want, I'll let you look at my secret Playshark.

Mcory: OK!

The Shark gets up and walks towards his wife.

Cheech (Whispering): Mcory, we gotta get outta here ese.

Mcory (Whispering): Nah man, these sharks look cool enough.

The Shark comes back.

The Shark: Hey, sorry about that, woman right.

Wife Shark: What was that?

The Shark: Nothing honey!

The two male sharks run up to The Shark.

First Male Shark (Cole Sprouse): Hey dad, can we go play with Rodney?

Second Male Shark (Dylan Sprouse): Yeah please?

The Shark: Ask your mother.

Wife Shark: No!

The Shark: No.

Both Male Sharks: Ah, come on!

The Shark: I'm sorry, but no.

The two walk away. When The Shark turns back to the Segrata's, they're gone. The Shark gets up and walks over to the door to see it open and the Segrata's swimming up to shore.

The Shark: Son of a bitch.

Wife Shark: Trevor!

Trevor (The Shark, Thin Eyes): Sorry honey.

The Shark follows the Segrata's. The Segrata's get to the top, but Trevor is right there behind them. The two see a shore nearby and swim towards that. The swim fast and fast, and when they get there, Trevor hits his head on the metal boat while the duo gets to shore.

Trevor: Ah come on guys, I just wanted to talk!

Mcory: Fuck off!

Cheech: Mcory that's wrong, we say it in a more calmer tone, like; (British Accent) fuck off!

Trevor: Fine, who needs ya!

Trevor goes back underwater. The Segrata's then somehow fall to the ground.

Cheech: What happened?

Mcory: Either the pill, or ecstasy.

Cheech: You took ecstasy?

Mcory: No, it was just a suggestion.

They then pass out.

Trevor, on the other hand, as he gets to his house, is met with his wife's anger.

Wife Shark: What time is it?

Trevor: Honey!

Wife Shark: What time is it?

Trevor: 5 PM!

Wife Shark: What do you do at 5 PM?

Trevor: Sexual intercourse DVD time!

Wife Shark: Good, now, where'd those two nice borderers head off to.

Trevor: They disappeared.

Wife Shark: Oh, so now you're Magical Trevor?

**There we go, the Segrata Chapter 3, is done.**


	4. Laura, Lucas, and Arriving in Florida

**Guy 1: If let you do this, you'll stop making me Laura's bitch?**

**Guy 2: No promises!**

**(The 1st guy suddenly takes off his shirt, then his belt. The 2nd guy is just sitting on a bed, staring intently at the 1st guy, naked. A door suddenly is broken open a couple cops run in, seeing a naked guy on the bed and a guy standing in front of him, his pants now dropping to the ground. They both put their hands up)**

**Cop 2: McLovin?**

**Cop 1: McLovin, nice!**

**Guy 1: They're upstairs.**

**Cop 2: Oh, well, excuse us then.**

**(The cops walk up the stairs)**

**Guy 2: Bob Saget!**

**Guy 1: Danny Tanner?**

Two eyes open up to see the face a girl, not just any girl, a tiny girl who looks like she's 10, or 9. Either way, these eyes blink a few times before the girl says anything.

Girl: They're awake!

These two eyes back away from the girl, hitting something else behind them. Another woman walks out of a door that opened. This woman has crimson hair and a bikini on.

The Eyes: Am I dead, high, or asleep?

Woman (Cameron Diaz): I'm up here.

The eyes move up a bit to her face.

Woman: Hey, my name's Laura Jenkins.

The Eyes: Right, hey, have you seen my brother, about yay-high, Mexican like me.

Laura: Likes to talk about dope?

The Eyes: So you have seen him?

Laura: Yeah, he's inside.

The eyes suddenly turn around as Cheech is seen following Laura inside.

Laura: We were lucky we found. A few more minutes and you would have been dead.

Cheech: A beautiful woman picking me up while I'm near death, are you sure I'm not high or sleeping?

Laura: Positive.

They walk down the steps into the boat, getting a room with a couch, a TV, and a pool table.

Mcory: Sup, bro, hey, you ever heard of a PS2?

Cheech: Isn't that when girl's hit that time of the month?

Mcory: Nah that's PMS2, well, I'm playing this kick-ass game, called Pac Man.

Cheech: Does it have anything to do with a pack, or a man?

Mcory: Nothing but ghosts, pellets, fruit, and a yellow blob.

Cheech looks impressed as Laura goes farther in, getting something out of a cupboard in the back.

Laura: Mcory told me you were off to Florida, and how you're town was burnt down.

Cheech: Did I tell you we met a creepy shark with an annoying ass voice.

Laura: No, but he did say the shark had great cable.

Cheech: Yeah, listen, I don't really wanna be a burden, but we're kind of in a hurry.

Laura: Well, if it means anything, we're about 25 miles away from shore.

The Pac Man death tune plays as Mcory throws the controller down.

Mcory: God dammit, little fucking son of a bitch, I'm gonna kill you you fucking ghost.

He restarts the PS2, playing the game again.

Laura: You're brother has quite the mouth.

Cheech: The strange thing is, he's better when he's high. Just give him some dope and he's free as a bird.

Laura: Oh, hey Lily!

Girl: Yes mommy?

Laura: Can you see the shore?

Lily: Yes, we're almost there!

A flush is heard as someone walks out of the restroom, trying to belt and zip up his pants.

Guy (Shia LaBeouf): Sorry, you might not want to go in there for a while. So, Segrata's, what's life like in Mexico?

Mcory: Shitty, ah fuck!

He died again.

Guy: So, care to tell me why two honest Mexicans like you are doing going to Florida? I mean, you are Spaniards right? The Fountain of Youth and all?

Cheech: No, we're not Spaniards.

Mcory suddenly gets up and walks over to the group.

Mcory: I am a pure Spaniard ese'. I was born in Mexico, moved to Spain, back to Mexico, moved to Puerto Rico, back to Mexico, moved to Cuba, back to Mexico, and now in Florida.

Cheech : And he wonders why whenever he moved from Mexico, they tell him why he has a fucked up mind homes.

Guy: Anyway, I'm Lucas, Laura's my girlfriend.

Cheech: Fuuuu, I mean, I'm happy for you.

Cheech (Thoughts): Shit!

Lucas: I'm going to Florida for a business trip.

Cheech (Kind of Sad): I'm very happy for you.

He shakes his hand.

Lily: We're here!

Laura: I'll be up in a minute honey!

All of a sudden, a noise is made in the back of the boat, the toilet mainly. It suddenly, blows up, leaving the back room full of crap and other wastes. Laura suddenly runs up the steps, while Lucas and the Segrata's simply spit some out and wipe some off.

The 3 of Them: Shit!

Cheech: And they said I have toilet problems.

It fades away to the docks where the three of them land. Laura and Lily stay on the boat to dock it.

Lucas: Well guys, this is where we part for now, if we meet again, let's not meet by a toilet after I've had fried carp.

Mcory: Agreed homes.

They wave goodbye to Lucas as he walks away.

Mcory: What a nice guy, uh bro? Bro?

Cheech is crying to himself.

Cheech: She was so hot!

Mcory: Hey, cheer up man, they'll be another one eventually, I promise.

Cheech stops as the two brothers turn towards Florida, and all it's bustling streets.

Cheech: Another importation, first it was the Spanish, then the British, then the Americans, then Cuba, and now, Mexicans.

Some guy walks up, who's smiling very creepily.

Some Guy: Welcome to America.

Mcory shoots the guy with a pistol. Cheech looks at him.

Mcory Segrata: That's not legal here?

Cheech: No shit!

* * *

**There it was, Chapter 4.**

* * *


	5. Mcory Fought the Law, The Shadow Won

**Oh, the weather outside is snowy**

**While inside you do blow me**

**Since there's no place to go**

**Let me snow, let me snow, let me snow**

**Since the couch is full of stockings**

**Undies, bras, and lockings**

**And since there's no way to go**

**Let me snow, let me snow, let me snow**

**When you finally came tonight**

**And we drew that line in the sand**

**I swear if I'm right**

**I was in a winter wonderland**

**Oh, I feel like doing it tomorrow**

**But work, now I feel sorrow**

**Since there's a place to go**

**I won't snow, I won't snow, I won't snow**

**I won't snow, I won't snow, I won't snow**

**I won't snow, I won't snow, I won't snow**

* * *

The Segrata's, after shooting the dude was immediately ran to by an African-American and some guy with a trucker hat on.

One of Them (The Rock): Any of you two borderers seen a guy about yay high, welcomes people to America?

Both Segrata's look down and then back up. They point to the right.

The Other One (Jeff Foxworthy): Thank you.

They run off.

Cheech: Should we ask, or continue on?

Mcory: Nah ese, I'm hungry as hell.

SCENE CHANGE

They walk into a McDonald's and look around. Mcory takes a big whiff in.

Mcory: Hm, smells like you on a bad day.

Cheech walks up to the register while Mcory lays wonder to the bathroom.

Cashier (Ben Stein): May I help you sir?

Cheech: What's this, "cheeseburger" about?

Cashier: A burger, with cheese.

Cheech: OK, what's this "hamburger" about?

Cashier: A burger, with ham.

Mcory, in the bathroom, gets to the urinal and pulls down his pants, sticking his ass in it. A guy next to him looks over, while Mcory gives the head bob of "sup". The guy zips up his pants and rushes out.

Mcory: Hm, that guy must be in a hurry, didn't even wash his hands.

Cheech: Now what's this "bacon burger" about?

Cashier: A burger, with bacon.

Cheech: Right, how about a milk shake?

Cashier: A milk, shaken.

Mcory looks at the sink place and twists the hot knob on. He gets his head underneath it and comes back out quick, hitting his head on the handle, which in turn causes him to go back, hitting his hand on the towel dispenser, and then back again, landing his butt in the trash can. He tries to get up but is strong.

Mcory: Shit!

Cheech: I think I got it now, French fries, are the French fried.

There's a brief pause as the cashier looks at Cheech for a few seconds.

Cashier: May I help you sir?

Mcory rushes out of the bathroom, trash can still stuck to him, as he cuts in line next to Cheech.

Mcory: Homes, we may have a problem.

Little Girl in Line: Hey, no budging!

Mcory: Shut up! But really Cheech, problem, now.

Little Girl: I said, no budging!

Mcory: And I said shut up! Cheech, now, problem.

Little Girl: No budging!

Mcory: Shut the fuck up! Cheech, ima, nan ji, puraburemu desu!

The little girl suddenly kicks Mcory's shin.

Mcory: Fuck my life, good god in all heavens! Don't kick me in the fucking shin!

Little Girl: Mom, this guy said a bad word three times!

Mom: Excuse me!

Little Girl: And he budged!

Everybody in the restaurant stops what they were doing and looks at Mcory.

Mcory: Shut up bitch!

Mcory suddenly punches the little girl. She starts crying.

Cheech: That was my brother ladies and gentlemen, we'll be here all month!

He says that as he starts dragging him out of the McDonald's and out to the street where Cheech throws him into a parked car, trash can still to his butt.

Mcory: What?!

Cheech: Shut-up! Fuck? Really? And did you have to punch her?!

Mcory: She kicked me in the shin!

Cheech: Shut up! Listen, one more slip-up, and I can guarantee you, we will turn this shit right back around and right back to Mexico!

Mcory: Fine!

The two men from before run back up to the Segrata's.

African-American One: Oh, hey, are you sure you haven't seen that guy?

Other One: Yeah, it's really important!

The Segrata's look back over to the body, still there.

Both: Nope!

The two guys run away.

Mcory: I'm still hungry ese!

Cheech: Let's find some native food.

Mcory: Isn't McDonald's native?

Cheech: Native to us.

SCENE CHANGE

They are seen entering a Taco Bell, trash can off, and immediately go up to the cashier.

Cashier (Ben Stein): May I help you sir?

Cheech looks at the guy and then at the door.

Cheech: Weren't you just at McDonald's?

Cashier: I assure you sir I have no idea what you're talking about.

Cheech: Right! I'll have a burrito, and my brother here will have a quesadilla.

Cashier: 4.96, or 10.21 in Euro's.

Cheech pays in Euro's and takes their stuff and his brother to a table.

Cheech: Now you will eat your fucking quesadilla, and you will fucking like it!

Mcory looks at the quesadilla.

Mcory: Hold on a minute. This isn't a quesadilla, this is a lie.

Cheech: What?!

Mcory: This isn't native, it's shit!

He stands up and throws the quesadilla at the cashier.

Mcory: You fucking liars! This isn't Mexican, it's shit! Shit, I say, shit!

Cheech grabs Mcory and starts dragging him out while he yells stuff about conspiracy and junk.

Mcory: What?!

They stop in front of an alley.

Cheech: This isn't Mexico!

Mcory: But-

Cheech: Shut-up! This is America, where they actually have laws against shooting, punching little girls, and believe it or not, public disturbances. Listen, if we're gonna live here, we've gotta learn to live like an American, not like prick who goes to jail. Now just don't talk, and we'll be good!

They both look forward at the street. One eye glows in the darkness of the alley.

Mcory: At least I like a person without a boyfriend.

Cheech: Who?!

Mcory: That girl homes who lived across the street, did you see those tits man, oh, and that ass!

All of a sudden, the guy puts his huge, muscular, African-American arms around their necks and drags them into the alley.

* * *

**So there is Chapter 5, next time, they meet the drug lord and then their sister.**


	6. Timothy Erore and Miryo Segrata

****

(A game is seen being played, a game, a Half Life game. In fact, it's on a part where a door is seen and a button to the right)

**Player: Alright, I'm currently stuck in a fucked up underground layer full of dead bodies, aliens, and, well, blood, what should I do now?**

**(A crowbar appears and suddenly starts hitting random crap. It eventually hits the button, breaking it, and opening the door)**

**Player: See, this is what button smashing is good for. OK, another door.**

**(He walks over to the door and it opens)**

**Player: Why can't all doors after the beginning portion of this game be like this one?**

**(He walk up further to see a dead guy and a scientist on a catwalk)**

**Player: Whoa, a dead body, what the fuck happened, you killed him didn't you? Do I have to-whoa...**

**(He suddenly stops when he sees to deep hole)**

**Player: That's a negative. Should I go, or should I stay, go, or stay, ikimasu or staymasu, eh, let's go.**

**(He walks onto catwalk about halfway, and it suddenly starts to break)**

**Player: Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit-!**

**(The player doesn't make it back as he falls to his death)**

**Player: Ah crap, see, this is what walkthroughs are good, "walkthroughs are the easy way out", bullshit I said, bullshit indeed.**

* * *

Some eyes suddenly open, and all around, it's dark, with one light shining down, and swinging, like an interrogation. Anyway, two guys suddenly walk up: the African American guy and the guy with the trucker hat.

African American Guy: Good, you're awake.

Trucker Hat Guy: Hey, borderers, tell me what the hell do you two think you're doing lying to us?

The Eyes: I thought it'd be fun.

African American: The only thing that is fun is playing Gears of War in the dark at night.

Some Deep Voice Guy (Mark Henry): Yo, best back up, the boss wants a word.

The two suddenly separate to allow another man to walk into the light.

Man (Tim Curry): Oh, glad to see we're awake. Now, I have to ask you both an important question.

Cheech: What question?

The eyes are suddenly spooked and look to the left to see Cheech.

Mcory: When did you get up?

Cheech: I've been up.

Man: Silence, my name is Timothy Erore.

Cheech: What country are you from?

Timothy: America, now, listen closely, you two are Mexicans, right?

Mcory: Last time we checked ese.

Cheech: Ci senior.

Timothy: Good, because you two are just what I need, for some dope.

Mcory: Do we get some?

Timothy: Of course.

Mcory: We're in.

Cheech: Homes, wait-

Mcory: When do we start?

Timothy: Right away.

Cheech: Bro, hold on-

Mcory: And the pay?

Timothy: You keep what you sell.

Cheech: Hey bitch-

Mcory: Off we go!

The deep voiced man comes up behind the Segrata's.

Cheech: I still don't think-

Their heads are suddenly banged together by the deep voice man, knocking them out.

They both reawaken outside of a dumpster.

Cheech: Hey Mcory...

Mcory: Yeah homes?

Cheech: Can I fucking kill you now?!

Mcory: Now Cheech calm down!

They both stand up and brush themselves off.

Cheech: From now on, as the older one of us two, I'm officially decreeing that only I can speak, and if you do, I will kill you slowly ese.

Mcory: Fine, but on one condition!

Cheech: Which is?

Mcory: I get to sell that dope.

Cheech: Deal, but you still split the money 50-50.

Mcory: 60-40.

Cheech: Gah, fine.

They shake on it, making it official.

They walk out of the alley they were in and find a busy port where the dead guy is still at, and he's starting to rot. A ship starts to head off as a little girl steps off. She has a rolling back a backpack. She also has a picture in her hands, looking at it. It's a picture of her on Mcory and Cheech's shoulders. She looks over at the two just standing there, talking to some old lady, who just smacks Mcory. She walks away and Cheech smacks him.

Girl (Miranda Cosgrove): You've gotta be shi-kidding me.

She walks over to the two brothers.

Mcory: Hey Cheech look, a little girl.

Cheech: Don't punch her.

He hits his elbow to Cheech.

Cheech: What may we do for you?

Girl: Are you two Mcory and Cheech Segrata?

Mcory: What if we are?

Girl: Are you or not?

Cheech: Yes we are.

Girl: Good, I'm your little sister.

Cheech looks shocked at first, then starts laughing his guts off. Mcory starts rubbing his eyes a bit, trying to believe it. Mcory taps Cheech a few times.

Mcory: I think she's serious homes.

Cheech: You've gotta be shitting me. OK, little girl, even if it was true, what's your name?

Girl: Miryo Segrata.

Cheech: What the fuck kind of name is that?

Miryo: I don't know, ask Mr. Worry Wart over here?

Cheech looks over to Mcory who's starting to sweat.

Cheech: Mcory, what the hell are you not telling me?

Mcory: Oh fine, it's true, mom had another kid. She just hid it from us, well, you, it was when you were away for college.

Cheech: Which I didn't finish.

Miryo: It's true, she kept me from you for all these years.

Mcory: So you're our sister?

Cheech: It's true, she's got your eyes.

Mcory: But please don't kill me!

Cheech: Mom's already dead so that's one half of my job done.

He starts choking Mcory out.

Miryo: Hey, hey........HEY!

They stop as Miryo looks on.

Miryo: For starters, if you're going to act like Americans, you're going to have to stop being pricks to each other.

Mcory: I was gonna tell you eventually.

Cheech: At my grave doesn't count.

Mcory: Dammit how'd you know?

Miryo: Just shut up, please. I can help you blend in.

Cheech: Why would we need your help? I just found out I had a little sister when for all these years I was completely oblivious.

Miryo sighs and takes Mcory's dope, throwing it into the alley on some hobo, who suddenly wakes up.

Hobo: There is a god!

Mcory: I need that.

Miryo: For starters, that's illegal, next, if don't want to look like freaks to these people, change your clothes, you've worn that through thick and thin.

Cheech: It's our signature outfit ese, it's what we do.

Mcory: Yeah homes.

Miryo: That is quite possible the worst accent I have ever heard, and I'm American, the land of no one accent.

Cheech: If you're American, why did you arrive on the boat?

Miryo: I was going to meet you in St. Louis, then I went to Mexico, but the whole town but burnt down, then I came here, and I found you two dumb fu-I mean, dumbos.

Mcory again starts to sweat.

Miryo: Mcory!

Cheech: What now?

Mcory: The trip to Italy, mom banged up some man whore, got pregnant, had her.

Cheech: Are you sure it's not legal to kill somebody here, because I have an Italian sister?!

Miryo: Positive, and it won't be that bad, land of the pizza, and pasta, and ice cream.

Mcory: Isn't ice cream Icelandic, thus the name ice.

Miryo and Cheech look on it utter amazement.

Mcory: I'm not at all related to Caboose FYI.

Miryo and Cheech: Right!

Cheech: Fine, you can help us, what first?

Miryo: Get rid of that body, it stinks.

Cheech: The concrete cleaner'll get it homes.

Miryo: Fine, then get new clothes.

The two brothers sigh.

Miryo: I'm Italian, and a girl, what more characteristics do you need for me to be fashion smart?

The two bro's look at each other and then at Miryo.

The Two: Gay....

Miryo: And another thing, in America, might wanna drop some of the cuss words and racial, religious, and sexual slurs.

Mcory: But we're Mexican, we share properties with our neighboring continental countries.

Cheech: With America we're very dirty verbally, and with Canada, we let our allies do our work.

Miryo simply stares at them in awe.

Mcory: Wow, we're horrible people.

Cheech: Let's go.

* * *

**Chapter 6, on the air.**


End file.
